Leave Your Car at Home
I know it’s hard to believe, but there will be road closures. (WHAT?) Yeah, all over Stamford and Raffles. I’ve heard ticketholders—whose COEs are almost the same price as a Formula 1 car—going crazy because they can’t drive into the circuit. You know, because they need to park their fancy cars somewhere, right? What happens is, the traffic police will ask you to make a U-turn without even pausing to look up from their Styrofoam-box takeaway meals. Save your time and everyone else’s and avoid the area as illustrated above. Johnnie Walker is also giving free taxi rides home on 20 September at Clarke Quay from 12.30-3.30am. Simply pledge #imnotdriving on your Facebook page, Twitter or Instagram and show it to the "Join The Pact" counter located near Fenix Room.
Hop on the Train
For partygoers, public transport is the best bet. If you can’t get a cab (obviously, you won’t be able to), download Uber and get a chauffeur. Wherever in the circuit area you want to get tragically smashed (Mink at Pan Pacific, The Butter Factory at One Fullerton, Amber Lounge at Temasek Reflection, or Podium Lounge at The Ritz Carlton), there are drop off points close by. Better yet, take the MRT (City Hall, Raffles City, Esplanade, Promenade, Bayfront) as services will operate until 1am and all underground links are interconnected. And don’t worry about your glamourous outfit looking out of place on the train; everyone there will be dressed like you.
The Most Expensive Parties
If you make as much money as Alonso does—as the highest paid driver he reportedly earns $20 million a year—you’ll definitely want to splurge it on a ridiculously priced table. According to my research, the two priciest ones are at The Podium Lounge and Night & Day Lounge. At $19,888 for a table, you’ll get more than enough booze to last a few weeks, entertain a bunch of freeloaders, and act like you even cared about the race.
Podium Lounge has hosted celebrities and race drivers. If you’re into that, then that’s where to be. Night & Day Lounge is new and is held in a penthouse on North Bridge Road. It’s the place to spend loads on money on absolutely nothing.
If All Else Fails, Gatecrash
How do you invite yourself to an invite-only party? Easy. All you got to do is to act like a complete douchebag. Be the grand prick during the Grand Prix. I’m sure you have in you. My friends in public relations, who have handled the door at some of these parties, have shared their personal horror stories—of shameless, self-entitled, name-dropping schemers whose aren’t worth the fight at 2am in the morning. But there are also subtle ways to gatecrash a party with a bang. Check out YouTube French prankster Rémi Gaillard or reformed con artist, Simon Lovell for tips.
There are less security-tight parties you can invite yourself to. Exclusive after-parties are not solely restricted to club and bars. People also throw parties in suites, and if you hangout at hotel lobbies, you could bag yourself a spot at one of these. There’s a bit of work involved, usually involving identifying an entourage. They loiter around the lobby and are, most certainly, going somewhere. Blend in and follow the herd. If you get caught, what’s the worst that could happen? Get kicked out? That’s barely a dent on your résumé.
DJs Not to Miss
When there are parties, there are usually DJs, and there are some you shouldn’t miss no matter what the doctor says. Take Paris Hilton for example, she’ll be DJing at ME@OUE this Sunday. The heiress who recently starred in ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ and won numerous awards including the Golden Raspberry for ‘Worst Actress of the Decade’ and the Fifi’s ‘Female Celebrity Fragrance of the Year’ will be offering a blend of frowning horse face music and magazine-style poses. If that’s not your cup of tea, why not have a piece of cake courtesy of Steve Aoki. The highly respected DJ will be throwing an awesome party at Zouk this Saturday. Literally. From cake hurling to champagne showers and, if you’re lucky, a rubber dinghy in your face, much fun awaits. He might actually mix some music once he’s done with the antics.
Pass on the F1 Cocktails
Some establishments might offer Formula 1-inspired cocktails. Don’t waste a cent on them. Race adjectives and eponyms mixed in a concoction don’t justify the 300 per cent price mark up.
Rev Up to Rev Down
If you can’t get tickets to the race or the after-parties, here’s a list of things to do instead:
-- Go fly a kite at Marina Barrage since the 1 World Music Festival is cancelled.
-- Grand Theft Auto V. No need for an explanation. Just don’t go murder anyone for it.
-- Watch ‘Rush’, a true story about one Formula 1 driver up against another Formula 1 driver in the ’70s. Intense stuff I heard.