Would you rather be shot to pieces by Judge Dredd or Alice? In both cases, they love blasting the hell out of baddies. Judge Dredd (played by Kiwi bloke Karl Urban) came out of a British comic strip, while Alice (Milla Jovovich in ‘Resident Evil: Retribution’) is based on a Japanese video game.
Eons ago in 1995, Judge Dredd was played by Sylvester Stallone. I remember that stinko movie very well because it was the first time I realised that a block of wood — aka Stone Stiff Sly — could actually wear a helmet. In the much better, more exciting ‘Dredd’ now, Karl Urban never takes his helmet with visor off. Which means that when Dredd talks you only see his mouth moving and never his whole face, and when he growls lines like “I am the law”, “You have been judged” and “The sentence is death” it’s as though that mouth is taking part in our National Conversation.
Dredd is Clint Eastwood’s rightwing mo-tak-keng (“no compromise” in Cantonese) SOB, Dirty Harry, set in the crime-infested future, who is trapped in a 200-storey high-rise slum building which has locked him in. Don’t laugh. A self-lockdown mechanism for HDB blocks is going to be very useful when our population reaches 50 squabbling millions.
Dredd is partnered by a blonde cutie named Judge Anderson (Olivia Thirlby), a trainee judge who can read minds. I kept wondering why Judge Dredd didn’t go into battle with more experienced judges like Judge Judy or Judge Reinhold, but, what the heck, can anything compare with a babe in a tight uniform?
The two officers are locked in the building by something called the Ma-Ma clan, a vicious drug gang headed by Ma-Ma herself who is ‘300’s’ Lena Headey with a big scar on her face any Korean plastic surgeon could repair in a second. Man, she’s so cruel she skins people alive and throws them off the upper floors in the most irresponsible form of killer litter ever.
Meanwhile, in some computer world somewhere, Alice is still fighting somebody, anybody, everybody, in ‘Resident Evil: Retribution.’ I don’t know who or what or how or where because this is the fifth RE film, but it feels like the 50th.
'Resident Evil: Retribution' trailer
Resident Evil is about Alice, a kickbutt virus-strengthened babe who kills a lot of zombies, nasties and shady corporate people in her skintight cat suit which makes her amazing a** seem like a super-hot balloon. Just to drive home the bare truth, in one horndog scene, she’s naked wearing only an apron front and back.
Ali Larter isn’t in this one, but Sienna Guillory (as blonde toughie Jill Valentine) and Michelle Rodriguez (as sweaty heavy Rain Ocampo) are here, along with new girl, China’s Li Bingbing, who looks like a Golden Phoenix restaurant waitress in her deep red slit dress as super-operative Ada Wong. In fact, the entire RE series is full of gun-toting hot chicks who come and go through for the benefit of computer geeks who might otherwise mate with their pillows. You might find it worth watching for that reason alone.
‘Resident Evil: Retribution’ is now showing in theatres; ‘Dredd’ is now showing in theatres
What The Flick is a regular movie column by local humourist and entertainment writer Tay Yek Keak