You read it right. We’re giving you five awesome reasons to catch Part Two of 'The Twilight Saga' finale – only because giving you five reasons not to would be way too easy. Let’s face it, Kristen Stewert is not a great actress. We’ve seen a turnip produce more dramatic variety.
But first, a quick recap on what’s been happening in Forks. Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewert) got married and got pregnant during their honeymoon in Brazil (if you’re interested, that very island house some 60 miles west of Rio de Janerio is up for rent for US$7,000 a night - just saying). Turns out their little baby is a little baby vampire and is draining the life out of Bella. She eventually “dies” while giving birth to it but Edward saves her by biting her and turning her into one of his kind. So what’s next, you ask? We save you the trouble of having to flip through the paperbacks (thank us later):
Never ever let a wolf in your house
1) Bella's ex-lover imprinted on her baby daughter
Just to be clear, imprinting is the involuntary response when a werewolf finds his soul mate; thus under wolf law, said soul mate cannot be harmed (see point #3). That’s right, wolfman Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is now in love with Bella’s baby daughter Renesmee (Mackenzie Foy). If you saw the last movie, you’d notice that it was practically love at first sight! Just as Edward’s father surgically removed the blood-sucking life form out of Bella’s uterus, Jacob, a room away, accidentally makes eye contact with his ex-girlfriend’s spawn and has an emotional epiphany which, from the expression on his face could almost only be described as orgasmic. A rush of glittery flash-forwards consumed his mind as he saw his future intertwined with the child’s. So for the next few years, Jacob will be hanging out with the Cullens to build romantic bonds with the four-year-old. How is Bella taking it? She is understandably awkward. Shocking.
2) Wait, the baby daughter is immortal?
No, she isn’t. She is half-human half-vampire which means she is growing like a normal human would (albeit at a much faster rate) but is also a vampire in the sense that she feeds on blood and has superpowers like the rest. But the Volturi (or in lay man’s terms, the vampire overlords) thinks she is and is determined to kill her and her family in accordance with vampire law. So, an immortal baby is a baby who gets bitten and turned into a vampire; and because vampire DNA dictates that the subject who gets bitten stays that age forever, a baby who gets bitten will be a baby vampire – forever (we’re pretty certain Stephanie Meyer had a more eloquent way of putting this, we apologize). Now, because it’s a baby, it cannot discern social decorum like the adult vampires can and will attack humans for food (i.e. blood). As if the Cullens haven’t given them enough woe in the past four movies, the Volturi deems this “immortal baby” a huge threat to the preservation of their vampire society, and declares war against the Cullens.
3) The baby is pretty damn cool, but it implicated everyone else in war
Admittedly, there are several reasons why we think Renesmee is ultra cool. First off, she is a vegetarian baby – just one of the several inside jokes that Meyer planted into her pages. It means that just like her parents, Renesmee does not feed on human blood. She goes hunting with her mother for animal blood – thereby making her “vegetarian”. Irony, we believe, is what Meyer was going for. Secondly, it's a really big deal in the vampire world that she is a living (sort of), growing vampire because normal vampires don’t ever age. Alas, the miracle of life! Her powers are transmitting thoughts to others by touching their skin and penetrating mental shields, the opposite abilities of each of her parents.
However, it seems that the “special” ones always cause the most trouble. Seeing that Jacob has imprinted on the child, the entire wolf pack now, having four movies-long of enmity with the vampires, grudgingly swears faithful allegiance to the Cullens to protect her. To prove to the Volturi that Renesmee is in fact not an immortal baby and that his family hasn’t broken any laws, Edward makes a distress call to vampires all over the world to come witness this miracle child, and vouch and fight for the Cullens. However, the Volturi remains unconvinced and goes to war anyway. In short, Edward has summoned an army of vampires and werewolves to fight in this end-all battle against the mighty overlords. So yes, you will be seeing many new vampires in this movie, but most of them just have a lot of makeup on and aren’t important enough to mention anyway.
4) Bella is the new Professor X
Nah, not really. Ok, she’s acquired some superpowers since her transformation. Apart from superhuman strength and speed which all vampires have anyway, Bella has an impenetrable mind now. Not even the Volturi mind-manipulator Jane (Dakota Fanning) can read or inflict the mental illusion of searing pain on her. She will later realize that she can harness this ability to cast the mental shield away from herself, protecting herself and those around her against evil mental attacks.
5) The soundtrack
We’re pretty excited to get our hands on the soundtrack. We actually loved, to our surprise, the choice of ‘Flightless Bird, American Mouth’ by Iron & Wine as Edward and Bella’s wedding song, as well as the rest of the Part One soundtrack which was current, age-appropriate and well-thought out. Part Two’s soundtrack includes tunes from Passion Pit, Ellie Goulding, Feist, Iko and POP ETC, among other indie pop/rock bands. It's an excellent choice of songs for easy-listening - well put-together by Alexandra Patsavas, the music director for the previous three films. See the full track listing here. Here's hoping what we see on screen doesn't disappoint either.