Rating: 1 star out of 5
'Grown Ups 2' takes place entirely over the course of one day - and it feels like it was shot in real time.
The best that can be said for this who-asked-for-it sequel to the 2010 comedy is that Rob Schneider did not return. As for the rest of the cast - led by Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock and David Spade - they are comedically outgunned by an inflatable raft that literally pops up in two scenes.
At least the raft gag is mildly amusing; all the other leaden, moronic, terrible jokes that 'Grown Ups 2' has to offer get repeated three, four, five times in the desperate hope that one of them will become funny.
Yes, it's time for another visit to the Adam Sandler Death-of-Cinema Fun Factory, the big-screen version of a terrible sitcom where laugh tracks are replaced by the co-stars chuckling at their own awful material.
It's the first day of summer, and the lifelong chums of the first film are all facing the mildest of quandaries that, in true sitcom fashion, all come to mildly satisfactory conclusions. Retired Hollywood agent Lenny (Sandler) is enjoying life and is disconcerted that his wife Roxanne (Salma Hayek) wants to have another baby.
Kurt (Rock) exults over the get-out-of-jail free card he gets when wife Deanne (Maya Rudolph) forgets their 20th anniversary, and Eric (James) hides his other woman from his own spouse, Sally (Maria Bello) - namely Eric's mom (Georgia Engel), with whom he has a daily appointment for snacks and soap operas.
Oh, and Marcus (David Spade) gets a visit from the son (Alexander Ludwig) he never knew he had. And since none of this really adds up to a plot, we get a wispy story about the guys running afoul of a bunch of arrogant local frat boys (whose leaders are played by Milo Ventimiglia and an uncredited Taylor Lautner).
Granted, no one is going to 'Grown Ups 2' for the plot, but the jokes here are asinine, immature, offensive to women and to almost everyone else on the planet who isn't a middle-aged heterosexual male. And that's not even counting the continuing presence of Nick Swardson.
Sandler and his director, longtime co-conspirator Dennis Dugan, once again try to have it both ways, balancing the gross (the movie literally opens with a deer urinating all over Sandler) and the grossly sentimental (Sandler just can't keep himself from delivering at least one oogie-woogie-snoogums homily about family life).
One minute we get our heroes ogling busty women (with everything but a Tex Avery "a-ROOOO-gah!" sound effect thrown in), and the next we get parents arguing about who's going to change the poopy diaper.
As with the entire Sandler-Dugan filmography, 'Grown Ups 2' is hackneyed, overlong, blisteringly stupid and a waste of everyone's time. If there must be a 'Grown Ups 3', let it star the raft. Or hell, even the poopy diaper.