Who runs faster? Jeremy Renner, Colin Farrell or Usain Bolt? Well, Renner in ‘The Bourne Legacy’ and Farrell in ‘Total Recall’, can certainly run like hell. I’m talking super-chiong, lung-bursting running.
Farrell keeps running and running in sci fi thriller-cum-futuristic exercise video, ‘Total Recall’, because he has a major wife problem. Kate Beckinsale, playing an agent pretending to be his missus, wants to kill him. Incidentally, in the original ‘Total Recall’ (1990), the marital spat was between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone, and I like that old movie better as Stone can really kick ass better than Beckinsale, who’s hot but not convincingly tough like Scary Sharon, if you know what I mean.
Farrell is planted in an elaborate plot to nail a resistance group fighting a totalitarian government which uses Star Wars-style storm troopers and I-Robot-type robots like maids for all their dirty jobs, most of which involves trying to kill Colin the Dumbo. All this takes place in the future where cars fly, there are a lot of elevators, and people live in flats up in the sky as the world is over populated. It could have been the vision for ‘Remaking Singapore: The 100 Million New Citizens Version’.
Beckinsale is in a permanently pissed-off PMS mode because Farrell, formerly a baddie, is now a reformed good guy while she herself remains rotten to the core. So, her man does the only thing a man can do in a situation like this ― he runs to another super-hot babe ― Jessica Biel, who plays an underground resistance fighter. Who will win ― Kinky Kate from Underworld (the vampire series) or Juicy Jess from the underground?
Meanwhile, in ‘The Bourne Legacy’, Renner is even more chiong than Farrell. Man, Renner runs, runs and runs, jumps over rickety rooftops, bikes, cars and bounces all over Manila as though it’s Pinoy Pinball Day. Renner is a deadly agent from an unlicensed US government kill squad who becomes a liability to be eliminated by his own side. Those spooks also try to kill Rachel Weisz, playing a gorgeous scientist who befriends Farrell and becomes his BTAF (Best Tag-Along Forever).
In flashbacks, Weisz keeps withdrawing blood from Renner as if he’s the DBS of blood banks, and the pair needs to escape all the way to Manila so that he can be cured of the drugs his bosses keep pumping into him as a secret assassin-guinea pig. You know for sure that Renner is going nuts because he thinks he’s Bear Grylls (‘Man Vs Wild’) and Liam Neeson (‘The Grey’) combined when he fights wolves for fun in an opening scene atop a frozen mountain.
Of course, the real animals are the shady government folks trying to erase him so that he won’t be traced back to them. In particular Edward Norton, who smirks like an evil corporate s**thead who’d sell out his own mother for a used condom. The fella is so crazy he even sends an Asian Terminator to go after Renner and Weisz for a Thrilla-In-Manila ending. It’s very funny because the Asian dude looks like a crazy ah long sent by Jack Neo to break every ERP traffic rule in demanding his money back.
Now, you might remember that there was a chap named Matt Damon in previous Bournes ― ‘Identity’, ‘Supremacy’ and ‘Ultimatum’. Damon is not in this flick except in photos which make him seem nicer than a Lindsay Lohan mug shot. But don’t worry; I think they’re saving him for the Big One when the plot runs out. Stay tuned for Damon and Renner in a beautiful bromance in ‘The Bourne Bankruptcy’.
What The Flick is a fortnightly entertainment column by local humourist and entertainment writer Tay Yek Keak